How do you stay happy and keep up your spirit when the world around you does not feel the same? What do you do when every step of the way you interact with people who have something going on and don’t share your spirit? These are often the people who depend on you to support them, give them a helping hand, hear them out. It’s difficult to tune out their sorrows, their grief and be yourself again. There is a constant battle in your mind: do you just think about yourself, soldier on and carry on with your endless cheery spirit and walk through this cloud of disarray unscathed, or do you join the crowd? The answer is obviously the former. But the most important question is how? It is hard to see the silver lining when others can’t. You are bound to lose faith and question it yourself, and there is a strong possibility you can become them and stop believing. What do you do then?
I have always been a happy go lucky person but around festivals and special occasions that feeling is amplified a million times. My excitement knows no bounds and I am on a fuel-ignited mission — to have the best festival ever in the best possible way leaving no stone unturned. What excites me most is preparing a very special feast with my family, the most important part of it being the baking and then indulging in the desserts for days to come — minus any guilt. I start preparing for this intake of a million calories by following a well-planned, but by no means strict, regime of both exercise and caloric control.
December of last year was no different. I got up feeling so ecstatic and literally on cloud nine. I went ahead with my favorite ritual of the day — making a cup of tea and some more.
There is nothing like making your own cup from scratch, the old-fashioned way in a saucepan. Believe it or not, the whole process of boiling water with spices for a few minutes, then adding loose tea leaves and letting it steep for a few more, and finally adding milk and boiling it for the last few minutes, is very therapeutic. Not to forget the aroma that fills your kitchen — it is so calming and refreshing.
Having completed my morning ritual, I sat down with my favorite cup of brew and a bowl of oatmeal to do the second-best ritual of my day — play sudoku. I had just finished my breakfast and was putting my dishes away in the dishwasher when my phone rang. It was my mom. I know when the whole new concept of video calls came out it was mind boggling: they bring longing hearts like mine who live so far away from their loved ones a step closer. But, on this particular day, it did not grow any hearts fonder, at least not for me.
The wise adage that I love my beautiful family very very much who live very very far away — it rang true for me.
I accepted the phone call with a lot of beaming energy, happy to share the holiday cheer with my mom. “Hi, Mom! How are you?” I said. “I am okay”, replied my mom with a not so cheery tone. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Oh! Nothing much, I just had my breakfast and was making a list for the ingredients I need for baking my desserts for the dinner on Wednesday plus the Christmas dessert platter I will be baking for Av’s office party.”
“Oh, okay”, replied my mom. “Well, I am not going to bake anything this time, just buy some pastries for our get together. I don’t know what’s the need to fuss and get so excited about all these things. It not only adds layers to your already burgeoning waistline but also is a waste of time. Why you get so excited every time and bake so much is beyond my comprehension? It’s only the four of you always.”
“Because I enjoy baking, and it gives me a lot of pleasure. Isn’t the whole purpose of the holidays to spread good cheer through cooking and baking?”
“Oh yeah, I forget. You are still a child, even now you get excited and like to jump around as if you were 12 years old. Okay then, you carry on. Just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing. Talk to you later.”
The conversation must have not lasted for more than 5 minutes but somehow it felt like hours because I felt exhausted. Drained out of all energy and enthusiasm, I just sat there speechless for some time and didn’t know what to do, it felt like someone pierced a dagger through my heart. I know she had gone through a lot. After my dad’s death it’s not been the same, not for her, not for any of us for that matter. Wasn’t it all the more reason to carry on with your life especially when life had so succinctly reminded us of its shortcomings? Or was I too hasty in jumping on my wagon of merriment and should have conceded to the fact that life is just this — a string of let downs where unfortunate things happen and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I pictured my mom, once the life of the party with her effervescent personality, now disheartened and lost.
I was just reeling through this drama with my mom when my husband walked in. I jolted out of my pensive state and remembered that I had told him to hang the decorations and the lights outdoors.
“Hi, have you hung the lights outside?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t. I will get to it. Besides what’s the rush, there is still time. You want it done by Christmas right, it will be done. I know you have this thing about festivals but why do you always rope me in. Just because you like to do things in a certain way that doesn’t mean I have to do the same. I don’t have the flexibility of being so carefree and exuberant all the time like some people I know. Some people have better and responsible things to do than light up our house like a silly spectacle!”
With this he went to our bedroom and shut the door. I know he had a lot on his mind — things were chaotic at work. The whole COVID situation had disrupted their supply chain and stalled the manufacturing process. A simple no would have sufficed: he did not have to go into a tirade mode on me. Funny part was that I was going to call the handyman to help with the lights but it was my macho husband who insisted on doing it by himself. This was 2 weeks ago, and there was only a week left for Christmas. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes and I could feel a catch in my throat. I needed to breathe, be on my own for some time. Grabbing my coat I stepped outside, walking aimlessly towards nowhere in particular. I don’t know what was worse, the cold air that slapped my face when I stepped outside, or my wounded spirit. I would have just wandered into oblivion, had it not been for the giggles and the pitter-patter of the toddlers playing in the playground. Without realizing it, I had reached the park near our house. I went and sat on the bench facing the playground. Just watching the kids, running around silly, going up and down the slide — some of them sliding face down and getting stuck in the process because of their bulky jackets — calmed me somehow. They looked like little penguins, waddling towards each other with sheer delight at the fastest speed their little legs could take them. One kid fell down, cried for a bit, got over it, and then went back to business as if nothing had happened. Oblivious to the world surrounding them, and the adults huddled around them, these toddlers carried on unfazed with their playtime. It took very little for them to be amused, to be happy. They were in their element, in the moment, just having fun engaging in their favorite pastime and just being themselves. I remembered how falling on his buttocks again and again was my son’s favorite game when he was a toddler. Watching him engage in this silly but amusing exercise filled our hearts with joy and made him burst into cackles of laughter.
I got up, and started walking, this time with more decisiveness towards my most cherished sanctuary: a beautiful trail in the woods for the much-needed introspection. After 35 minutes of meditative walk and a steely resolve, I headed home. The cold brisk air had cleared my mind and lifted the fog that had engulfed me a few minutes ago.
The answer to a lifetime of happiness is very straightforward — keep your life very simple with no conditions attached. Live in the moment, the now and savor every bit of it. Be content and fulfilled with as little as it takes. It is as easy as taking immense pleasure in enjoying your favorite beverage, reading a book, or just simply watching squirrels do whatever squirrels do from your porch or window. Second, just mind your own business. Base your happiness on your individual needs and desires. Concentrate on what makes you tick, what rocks your boat, and not on what other people expect of you or want you to be or do. Remember — it’s good to support others and lend them a shoulder to cry on but you cannot and should not be responsible for their happiness. Empathize with them but do not live their lives for them. Instead, live yours to the fullest per your wants— that’s what matters and nothing else does. “Carpe diem.”
I reached home and treated myself to another cup of my favorite beverage. Both pleased and fortified with it, I finally sat down to make the list for my shopping. A few minutes later, my husband walked in from outside and gave me a bear hug and apologized profusely. Holding my hand, he took me outside and showed me his handiwork — he had hung all the lights and decorations and some more. So lost was I in my thoughts when I got back home that I missed seeing all the lights outside and had walked right past my husband. As if on cue, my mom called back too to say sorry for her behavior and for being so hard on me.
So, reinforced with my new found mental enlightenment, despite all kinds of frenzied emotions and goof ups that ensued in our household and in our relative’s household far far away during the following weeks, I persevered and did what I most wanted — have a great time and the best holiday season of a lifetime!